“Despite my vague suggestions to the contrary, I neither need nor want your opinion”

 
Clockwise from top left: Santo Glitter High Top Sneakers $28 at Urban Outfitters, Christian Louboutin Louis Spikes $995 at Barney’s, Sam Edelmen Abbey Stud Detail High Top Trainer $165.50 at ASOS

Have you ever asked a someone, for example, shirt they preferred, this one or that one? and when they answered with the former, you decided you really liked the latter, and then of course they bitched like, Well then why did you even bother asking me? Well, it’s simple: I don’t really want your advice, I just want you to agree with me. I want the illusion of your choices aligning with mine such that I perceive that I am right and that you back me up. In reality, your choice (“you” being any random stranger) between any two alternatives is opposite mine about half the time, but I would really just like to pretend that you’ve chosen the same option as me for the sole purpose of boosting my ego. So when it appears that you’ve chosen incorrectly, instead of getting crotchety, you should simply revise your choice such that I’m right. And remember, I am always right. 

For fear of sounding like too much of an uppity little asshole, I’ll stop there and explain the relevance of this little tirade: I need new sneaks. My old Bensimons (worn here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here—PHEW. I think that’s it…), though I love them dearly, are worn out. They are quite literally falling to pieces. As such, I’m currently on the hunt for a new pair of kicks.

But here’s my thing when it comes to casual sneakers: they can’t be too chunky on the bottoms. Keds will trump Vans every time, because the rubber sole on a pair of Vans looks like it weighs twenty pounds. Keds however, have a tendency to make feet look disproportionately small (at least, in my weird brain they do). The ideal shoe should neither minimize nor maximize the size of one’s foot. To that end, they cannot look like clown shoes; sneakers with exaggerated white toe-boxes do this, which is why Converse are mostly out, even though high-tops are in. Distressed details and imperfections are also in. Muted colors, also in. Cool embellishments/details, in.

So anyways, here are my picks. (Picks for kicks. Pfft!)

UO Canvas Chuckas $19 at Urban Outfitters, “Yesterday” Sneaker $88 at Diesel, Bensimon Tennis Mid Kaki F9 $75 at Bensimon, Marc by Marc Jacobs High-Top Trainer $280 at Farfetch, Bensimon Tennis Nils Taupe $40 at Piperlime

Bryant Hi Top $56 at AllSaints Spitalfields, Keds Champion Sahara Chukka $55 at Urban Outfitters, All Star Shimmer Slouchy $75 at Converse

Diesel Exposure High Trainer $64 at ASOS, Supra Strapped NS Grey $82 at Supra Discount, Ash Buckle Leather High Top Sneaker $175 Urban Outfitters